Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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