I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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