I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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