as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
