Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
