oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
