There is no way he is gay with that hair.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
