Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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