If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
