I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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