Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
