sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you would pick up someone in the library
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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