I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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