dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
