You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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