My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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