the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
