I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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