She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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