Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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