I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
