somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
