i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
