And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
