You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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