She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
