Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
