I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
