So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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