He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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