Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
