It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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