i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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