4 words: hood of his car
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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