The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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