last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
