he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
