she looked like the before picture.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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