you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
