This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Randomize
