I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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