I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
