Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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