you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you didnt know i had herpes?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
