Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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