you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
