I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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