Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
