after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
