someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
