everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
