I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
